I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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