hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
