K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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