I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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