I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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