No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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