Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
