I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
