Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
