look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
