My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Can I color on your dick again?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
