I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
