Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
