No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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