I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I love having hate sex.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
