I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
