I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
