I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
