i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
