So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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