Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
