the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
