Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
COCAINE IS GR8
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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