i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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