just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
