FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Verdict: uncircumcised.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
