Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
