I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
someone threw a dead crab at me
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
