I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
