Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
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