Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
