Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
