You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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