dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
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