Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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