do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
