my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
