ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
