I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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