This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
