My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Randomize
