Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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