I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
