so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
