he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
