my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
