shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
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