You really coming over, don't trick.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
