Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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