my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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