i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
