the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
