Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
