you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
It was a blind-side dick pic.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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